By Reshma Thomas –
A Golden Trail to Follow
In the year 1897, when Sister Thérèse was on her deathbed, a young nun in charge of her care was helping the sick sister to arrange her Habit. Sadly for Sister Thérèse, the nun inadvertently stuck a pin through her flesh. Did the Sister who was already in much pain complain or yell at her? Far from it, she suffered the wound and left the pin where it was until evening when Sister Celine found the veil over Sister Thérèse’s shoulder soaked in blood. No wonder, this dear Sister came to be known as Saint Thérèse of Child Jesus, the greatest saint of modern times
Be it big or small, Saint Thérèse’s little way is all about suffering with great love. During my college days I happened to read her autobiography “Story of my Soul”. Inspired by her heroic suffering and love for God, I was sitting in front of Jesus in the tabernacle. I felt deeply that I have not given Him anything. Life then was a mixture of joy and sorrow but still there was nothing so great a suffering to offer. I lamented over this, “Jesus I want to suffer greatly for you … I want to take up that heavy Cross for love of you.” Little did I know what I was asking for … In my childish simplicity, thoughts of saints who suffered valiantly for Jesus lit a fire in my heart. In this great zeal I longed to accept everything from His hands.
Dark Night of the Soul
Years later, I had forgotten all about this solemn prayer. Halfway into pregnancy with my first child, I did not know that my trial of faith would soon begin. I was imparting faith to baby right from the womb and spinning dreams of seeing my child grow in faith and love of God. But all of a sudden, my little one was torn out at hardly six months of growth. When I saw her struggling through painful moments at NICU, I hoped that sufferings would end soon … I was the only ‘mom’ who could sing lullabies and pray over her tiny one pinned on all fours and strapped to all sorts of sophisticated instruments—some with never-ending beeps to show that she was alive, another to support her breathing. Her condition was oscillating and her fragile little body with loose skin at every joint was put through several blood transfusions. Even when doctors spoke hopelessly I believed my baby was safe in the hands of Jesus. Such was the peace I felt in my heart even when darkness crept around. But it slowly turned into a nightmare when every report showed worsening conditions. The more I confided in God, the more was I tested … The doctors concluded that my baby is suffering from severe brain damage and micro-cephaly; this would affect her physical, mental and emotional development. I could not grasp the reason. Like any mother in this world I complained, cried and fretted, “Why my baby? You could have given me anything but why make a little baby suffer?”
He Weeps with Me
Asking for more was easy. But when suffering did make way, I was distraught. I wanted everything to end, but there was no turning back. I had to face it. The heavy cross I had asked for did not end with my first child born with disabilities. The chance of having a normal, healthy baby also slimmed down—every visit to the pediatrician and Sundays at Church became painful. The sight of children of the same age as my daughter, prancing around, looking at me and smiling innocently, broke my heart again and again. When babies nearby called their mommas, I sighed deep inside—far from calling, my baby does not know I am her Mom…
In these distressing times, I could not pray. I was struggling to pray because all I could do was endlessly cry. One day as I sat before the image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus with the heaviness of a sick baby on one hand and a devastated family on the other, I saw tears flowing down His cheeks. His eyes were red with crying and tears were gushing in extreme agony. I was shocked! I could not look anymore. Why was Jesus crying? Did I do something wrong! I found the answer in the Bible. I found Jesus, who was moved in the depths of His spirit to see Mary and those around her weeping the death of Lazarus. Jesus wept (John 11:35) … Contemplating the impending fate of His beloved Jerusalem, which was about to crucify Him, Jesus wept over it (Luke 19:41) and the bitter tears He shed in the darkest hour before crucifixion (Hebrews 5:7) How comforting to know Jesus really shares our feelings. The book of Isaiah prophetically speaks of Lord Jesus as “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Jesus still weeps with me in my sorrows. Often the pain felt in the heart can never be fully understood by those around, even by those close to us. But there is one who can truly know and feel what we are going through and He is Jesus. How often do we turn to Him in our sorrows? When we rely on friends and relatives to understand us, we forget about Jesus, who is always beside us to console and comfort.
Dawn of Realization
Suffering is inevitable. Everyone has sufferings in life, in different ways. Once I heard a testimony by a chosen soul. He said the only child he and his wife received, after years of waiting, was bed ridden and could not look or even smile at them. His heart ached seeing other children playing around when his own son had several bouts of epileptic attacks a day. They went to numerous healing masses for a miraculous cure. The message they always got was the same: “This child is a gift from God and specially given to you because Jesus wants both of you in heaven with Him.” We miss being thankful for all the blessings and looking closely at all that is missing in our life. If we gain everything in this world, what have we gained for Him?
When we feel that going forward is impossible, God’s grace makes everything possible. He sealed our family with His love and made it possible to see beyond our baby’s indifferent behavior, sudden epileptic fits, and her inability to even look or grasp anything, to stand or walk. Curiously, we found inner joy around her. In all that seems a weakness for the world, we found greater strength and this was possible only by God’s amazing grace. Her happy demeanor while we are praying is profound. She looks around, lauding with the invisible angels, and through her blabbering she sings the perfect hymn of praise. Our little one is a piece of heaven itself, a promise of where we are destined to be. She reminds us that God works for the good for those who love Him. Every new deed she does, no matter how trivial, is a great miracle from God and we thank and praise Him unceasingly for the great gift of His love.
The Joy in Suffering
Being a Catholic does not make us immune to sufferings but rather we must be ready to accept everything from His hands. Truly suffering is a reminder: Jesus really wants us to be with Him! To the one who has never known the searing pain of even the prick of a needle, the sufferings of Jesus would only be knowing and never feeling from the depth. When sufferings come into our lives, let us rejoice like the saints who gladly accepted all for the love of Jesus on the Cross. The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18). How fruitful our sufferings, big or small, when offered for the salvation of souls. In the words of Saint Thérèse, if we can pick a pin from the floor for love of God it can surely save a soul. All the pain and sorrows we go through when offered for those who do not know Jesus, for those souls lost in the darkness of sin and ignorance… how great a work of salvation we do. During her agonizing death, Saint Therese wrote, “I am not dying; I am entering into life!”
Let us remember this life on earth is a journey to heaven. At any moment, when the mist lifts up, we may find ourselves in that unknown, well-known land of heaven.
With joy in our heart let us take the beautiful path that is all the way to heaven!
© Reshma Thomas serves on the Editorial Board of Shalom Tidings magazine published by Shalom media USA. She finds great joy in doing little works for Jesus while taking care of her daughter with special needs. Happily married she resides with her husband in Kerala, India. Article originally appeared in Shalom Tidings (www.ShalomWorld.org/tidings). Reprinted with permission. For reprint requests, please e-mail [email protected].