Childlessness: Love Beyond Crisis

By Mary Irene –

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed; That I would see the goodness of the Lord; In the land of the living. Psalm 27:6

The pain of childlessness

Childlessness! It’s an awful, unexplainable psychological numbness. It’s beyond any describable emotion under the sky. It is an emotional blockage, stress, with physically drained life of number of treatments for infertility. This is not just with one person but two!! Childlessness affects both men and women equally. Both come across the issues together often leading to misunderstanding, marital conflicts and what not. And staying within the childless marriage is deemed to be burdensome living under the same roof. This even may lead to divorce or separation.

Life after Marriage

I’ve been married for 8 years and I’m childless! Me and my husband both in our 40’s now are childless. We’ve been trying every other treatment and have been praying our hearts out every single day. It’s rather challenging for us to live one day at a time. We have been through extremely tough times of life. Friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues, everyone seem to be concerned. Sometimes they care and sometimes just being inquisitive of our life. However, mostly we would go through the mental stress and verbal insult. At the end of each day we would cry our night out.

We have had our own arguments, went on days without speaking to each other, even blaming each other for our biggest failure.  But we were together, hoping someday that God will show mercy on us and gladness would fill our hearts.

Tension and hurt

My husband and I, as many thought we would depart for the tension that we had in the initial days of our life together, when we realised that there is difficulty in us conceiving. However, we survived being with each other, being more in love than ever, than in the initial days of our married life. And it makes me wonder how and would want to describe about the hope of love and trust in a childless married life!

When I after several treatments became aware of the complications in me conceiving, I prayed daily, let me say every moment of my life without ceasing. On one evening, after a very unpleasant experience with a relative for the same cause, I was pondering through the Bible and was struck by the life of a loving couple in the Bible and they have inspired me ever since.

Luke’s story of the blessed couple

Luke, the physician, describes many stories about women than any other gospel writers. One such story is about Elizabeth. But when I read that again, and again and again, I rather felt that the story is more of a couple yearning for a child than a story of a woman like many other stories in the Gospel of St Luke.  I wonder if Luke being a physician knew exactly what it is to be childless.

The Gospel of Luke starts with the story of Zacharias and Elizabeth being in the temple of the Lord.  Zacharias was a priest and his wife Elizabeth, cousin of the Mother of God. The Bible describes them with their lineage as well. However most importantly the Bible describes them as, “righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless” Luke 1:6. This lead them into being faithful to God and trusting God beyond their vulnerability, of being in nothingness, at least what they thought they felt. Yet they walked with God with probably with one thought, “Hear O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul. And with all your strength” Deut 6: 4,5. Therefore, they prevailed and led a life showcasing the glory of God. Therefore as a fruit they bore the greatest prophet ever born, as described by Jesus himself as more than a prophet, Matt 11:9

Walking blamelessly

Walking in all commandments and ordinances, blameless! Now this struck me. My husband is a very loving and a loyal man.  He’s considerate and gentle in nature. Though we faced our own challenges and often quarrelled, we often got back together being in love again. But walking in commandments of the Lord and being blameless? It got into me to observe if that is within me first.  I started meditating on the verse day and night.

The greatest commandment

Nothing but that verse. I scrolled through the Bible to know how I could be so. This was when I came across one day while praying another verse lingering through my mind, about the greatest commandment. “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”  John 15:12 Every commandment of God comes together within this command. I prayed over this and wrote onto my heart and mind.

I set my heart and mind on following the greatest commandment. But honestly I can’t love everyone, so I thought why not try to love my husband! But can I walk the journey of married life alone in love?  Therefore I sowed the idea into him, initially though with one intention. to bear a child. And I thought I had convinced him as he reluctantly agreed to act along with me.

Dedicating our lives

Daily we meditated on the life of Elizabeth and Zacharias. Every ways they might have walked, how they would have sorted conflicts, how they would have prayed together and dealt together the insults, ridicules and hatred words of the world.. their world, the family, friends and neighbours. We got to know there was one thing common in them, The Holy Spirit.

It’s evident from the Bible that both were filled with the Holy Spirit. Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, Luke 1:41 and Zacharias was filled with the Holy Spirit, Luke 1:67. Therefore this is the secret of them being faithful to God even in their greatest crisis!!

Filled with the Holy Spirit

My husband and I, prayed daily to be filled with the Holy Spirit and every day we are perfected and guided by God. We now know that the world will not accept us and cannot understand and comprehend to the fact of living in hope, as hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Rom 5:5

We have surrendered our lives to the Lord, hoping someday that our Lord will bless is with the child, like Zacharius and Elizabeth even in our advanced years of life. We are together and joyful and hopeful, beyond the ridicules of this world to childless couples. We know God loves us and would never let us down even if the whole world would look down upon us.

Tender Mercy of God

Thus I would like to conclude with the words of Zacharius, “Through the tender mercy of our God, With which the Dayspring from high has visited us; To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death. To guide our feet into the way of peace.” Luke 1: 78, 79. Always trusting, always walking with God.