Tom Thomas –
The incessant overnight rain brings a change to my regular early morning routine.
Mass attendance is delayed to a later one, and my fitness activity also gets correspondingly delayed to later in the day. Meanwhile a message comes in from the Club, “ Course closed due to 37mm rainfall overnight.”
All my regular morning routines disrupted, except one. The habit I have been trying to get rid off – that of checking the mobile the first thing in the morning.
Glancing through my Writers WhatsApp group, the responses to the thought provoking prompt on what if this was to be my last day on earth, make me indeed want to think. I would like to live this day as though it truly were my last.
With this resolve, I scroll through my other messages. “ We need to get an Non Disclosure Agreement (NDA) signed, give me your company name and address.” Says one message. I sigh. My better half asks me what happened. I tell her I am meeting my engineering college classmate who is visiting from the US for lunch today and he wants me to sign an NDA just to speak to him. I want to tell him so many things, but my better half tells me to just keep quiet for now. And maybe that is the best way, no spewing out words when one is angry or hurt, but just keeping silent and the moment passes. Ironic, right, for a writer not to use words.
I attend Mass with the feeling that if it is my last Mass ever, I better pay full attention to everything. When I receive Him, I feel complete, come what may I have Him with me . I return relaxed from Mass and talk to my youngest who is about to set out for school, a tough exam on his mind. “ When do your exams end?” I ask. “ Dad, don’t you know I have sent you the timetable,” he replies. How can I tell him that I just want to speak to him, what if it is the last time I see him again? As he leaves for school, I pat him on his shoulder, unable to speak, lost for any more words.
I set out for a walk in the nearby leafy park . The rain has caused the fall of countless leaves of every size and shape and also some flowers. As the moments pass by and more and more walkers come in, these leaves get trampled underfoot and slowly disappear from sight. I look at the leaves still in the trees above, their time here is not yet over.
The fallen leaves make me ponder deep. I will be a fallen leaf one day too. Is today that day?
Let me live my life accordingly today and resolve to use words that build up and encourage and not divide and hurt.
As I walk back from the park and trace my steps home, a man and his dog appear. ‘Thank you.’ He tells me. I had helped him out with some matter regarding his son’s upcoming wedding arrangements. ‘No thank you needed,’ I reply.
Yes, most of the time words are not needed.
The verses from Lk 12:20 echo in my mind as the import of this exercise sinks into me, “ But God said to him: Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?”
All is ephemeral, this life on earth and the earthly goals that we strive for.
I take solace in St. Paul’s words, “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, yet our inner self is being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal glory that is far beyond comparison. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. “For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor 4:16-18.