By Fr. Francis Gonsalves, SJ –
“Children, be obedient to your parents always. Parents, never drive your children to resentment” (Col)
Three Scriptural Signposts:
1. Ben Sirach—the author of the Book of Sirach also known as Ecclesiasticus—was a wise and devout Jew who lived in Jerusalem about 200 BC. The first 43 chapters of the Book provide moral instruction and common sense gained from experience. The source of all wisdom in undeniably and ultimately God. Thus, Sirach begins his book by: “All wisdom is from the Lord” (1:1). In today’s passage, he gives practical instructions on how to live family life wisely and well. Many theologians speak of God—Father, Son, Spirit—as ‘Family’. However, while it is sometimes difficult to think of the Triune God as a model for Christian families, the three persons of the Holy Family, whose feast we celebrate today—Jesus, Mary, Joseph—are excellent epitomes of family life for emulation. In ancient Jewish society—as is largely true today, too—the father is regarded as the ‘head’ of the family. Children are exhorted to glorify and honour their parents.
2. The first reading can be cited as good indication of God’s will for families, in the sense that family comprises father and mother as foundation-stones, with the children respecting them, honouring them, obeying them, and taking care of them in their old age. This fact flies in the face of today’s increasing demands to accept same-sex parents, trial marriages, partnerships, etc., as normal and consonant with God’s will for humankind. The question of children obeying their parents and doing their will is best seen in the gospel reading, popularly narrating the ‘Finding in the Temple’ episode of the 12-year old Jesus. Evangelist Luke narrates this passage to drive home two vital points: (a) Jesus’ parents had God at the centre of their lives and therefore faithfully made the pilgrimage to the Temple, and (b) Jesus was growing in historical awareness of his unique filial relationship to God, his Abba.
3. It would help to notice the attitude and responses of each of the three members of the Holy Family. First, Joseph, as usual is silent. He knew that he was not the biological father of Jesus; yet, he must have loved him so intimately as to hate ‘losing him’, so to say, not just in the Temple, but also letting him go on a mission given to him by his true, heavenly Father. But Joseph is always finely and fully attuned to God’s will. Second, Mary is aware that Jesus’ true father is Abba-God through the action of the Holy Spirit. Jesus’ answer: “Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” must have surprised Mary not because she was wondering who Jesus’ father was, but probably because she did not expect Jesus, barely twelve, to be already busy with his Abba-Father’s mission. Mary then “treasured all these things in her heart” (v.51)—seeking and surrendering to God’s will in contemplation and prayer. Third, Jesus “went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them” shows his obedience to God and his parents. No wonder that Jesus: “increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favour.”
Obvious Link in the 2nd Reading:
The second reading neatly complements the exhortations of the first. This passage from Paul’s letter to the Colossians is an ethical exhortation given to those preparing for baptism. Note the use of words like “clothes,” “clothed” and “put on,” which signify the white robes used in baptism. Those entering the ‘Body of Christ’ have to clothe themselves with virtues like love, compassion, peace, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness and so on. One can use Paul’s checklist to verify whether one’s own family or community has “put on” these virtues. The last part of this reading, namely, “Wives be subject to your husbands” contains traces of Stoic Philosophy and can be misinterpreted to mean that wives should be ‘subordinate’ to their husbands. We should rather interpret this to mean an ‘inter-subjectivity’ where each spouse should treat the other as ‘subject’ and not ‘object’ to satisfy one’s ego or needs.
The Psalm: “O blessed are those who fear the Lord and walk in his ways!” is the antiphon to the responsorial psalm (128). ‘Fear’ of the Lord is not paralyzing paranoia but a fruitful faith that God’s will ought to reign supreme in everyone’s life. Families would do well to keep God as the ‘Centre’ of their families. Right relationship with God inevitably results in productive relationships between spouses, and between parents and their children.
Three Texts from Catholic Tradition:
1. St. Augustine (354 – 430) in his ‘On the Good of Marriage’ – “Human nature is something social, and has for a great and natural good, the power also of friendship; on this account God willed to create all men out of one, in order that they might be held in their society not only by likeness of kind, but also by bond of kindred. Therefore, the first natural bond of human society is man and wife. Nor did God create these each by himself, and join them together as alien by birth: but He created the one out of the other, setting a sign also of the power of the union in the side, whence she was drawn, was formed. For they are joined one to another side by side, who walk together, and look together whither they walk. Then follows the connection of fellowship in children …”
2. Lumen Gentium, n.11 of VC II: “From the wedlock of Christians there comes the family, in which new citizens of human society are born, who by the grace of the Holy Spirit received in baptism are made children of God, thus perpetuating the people of God through the centuries. The family is, so to speak, the domestic church. In it, parents should, by their word and example, be the first preachers of the faith to their children; they should encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each of them, fostering with special care vocation to a sacred state.
3. Pope Francis on ‘Holiness in the Family’ in ‘Gaudete et Exsultate’, n.143: “The common life, whether in the family, the parish, the religious community or any other, is made up of small everyday things. This was true of the holy community formed by Jesus, Mary and Joseph, which reflected in an exemplary way the beauty of the Trinitarian communion.”
A Contextual Concern
The Concern of Old Aged Parents and Grandparents – The first reading is a commentary on the commandment: “Honour your father and your mother” (Deut 5:16). The promise, “Long life comes to one who honours one’s father and sets one’s mother at ease,” is reassuring for those who love and respect their aged (grand)parents in times when many are in a hurry to dump the old members of their own homes into ‘Homes for the Aged’.
In Lighter Vein:
1. After his Episcopal ordination, Bishop Honorarius spent some days with his parents. Playfully, he showed his aged parents his new, shining ring and exclaimed, “Isn’t this ring beautiful?” His mother smiled, held the wrinkled hand of his father, pointed to their own unpolished rings and said, “Son, without these rings you would never have got your ring!”
2. Talking of rings, Jenny decides to break her engagement with Jimmy. “My feelings towards Jimmy have changed,” Jenny explains to her mother. “Will you then return that priceless engagement ring?” asks her mother. “No!” says Jenny, “My feelings towards the ring haven’t changed!”
Reflection: We are ‘who’ we are today because of our family upbringing and influences. What place does God have in our family? What is the role of faith and prayer? What about forgiveness when things go wrong?
As we prepare to usher in the New Year, let us pray: “Lord, Thanks for what has been, Amen to whatever will be!”
Fr. Francis Gonsalves is a Gujarat Jesuit, former Principal of Vidyajyoti College, Delhi, and currently Dean of Theology at Jnana-Deepa Vidyapeeth, Pune. He is also the Executive Secretary of the CCBI Commission for Theology and Doctrine. He has authored many books and articles and is a columnist with The Asian Age and The Deccan Chronicle national dailies.