By Sr. Mary Thadavanal MSMHC –
A scarred humanity
The other day what I saw on my way to the town disturbs me even now. A man fuming with anger went on beating another on the head with a thick wooden rod while another kept hitting him on the stomach. Unmoved at what was happening, a few police personnel stood close by watching, while people kept crowding to the place to watch the ‘match’. This incident is a miniature form of what happens all over the country on a daily basis. Awful instances of crimes fill news columns while sensational ones keep bouncing back and forth on the television screens. The two have adverse effects on human minds: while it dampens the human spirit of some, others take it for free license to do anything their emotions dictate. One headline that keeps hitting me is ‘childhood lost in crime world’. Reeling under the yoke of exploitation, deprivation, abuse and other social evils people are denied the right to live dignified lives. What has the modern civilization done to humanity! How has education contributed to enhancing human lives?
Childhood innocence robbed, thinking capacity dulled, light in the eyes dimmed, life ebbs away before one begins to live. Forgotten are the days when children blossomed in families founded on ethos sacred to the clan/tribe/society. The ill effects of modernism keep impacting families leaving them fragmented. Parents have lost their grip on their growing youngsters entranced in imaginary world of passing ecstasies from which they can’t exit. With disturbed and distracted minds, incapable of reflecting, teenagers pass through the stages of formal education filling minds with the knowledge of all sorts but lacking wisdom which alone can shed clear light on what life is all about and show right from wrong.
Formal education can build only on solid foundations laid at home. The relationship of parents to their children and the climate in which they grow up are determining factors in the making of a person. The alarming picture of broken homes is everywhere, with parents unable to attend to their children, especially, to meet their psychological needs. Consequently depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, diffidence, rejection, unwantedness, set in and many take recourse to any means available to find happiness, in the process of which they land up more broken.
Our hearts are restless until they rest in You
Bringing healing to self, individuals and families is inevitable if we have to recapture the lost paradise. When human minds are permeated by peace, goodness and compassion, our society will turn to be a place “where the mind is without fear and the head is held high”. This prayer invocation of Rabindranath Tagore envisions a future springing from personal morality and ethical probity. Tagore believed in the existence of the sacred godhead within all, and was convinced that it is this fount of wisdom that makes possible the creation of a sphere within which the humane in us can thrive and prosper. He came face to face with God, in whose presence he lived and received orientation to his life. He considered it to be also the origin of all human nations that he wrote, ‘where words come out from the depth of truth; where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection; where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit; where the mind is led forward by Thee into ever widening thought and action. These lines envisage a program and provide the framework for the development of nations and human civilization (Shikoh Mohsin Mirza).
Made in the image and likeness of God the human person is endowed with an immortal soul. God has a definite purpose in creating the human person and everything else he has created. Whatever God created, he found good (Gen 1:31). Originally there was no brokenness in the human person. The original/true self (a psychological concept) is the part of us that we are born with, that is naturally alive, open, curious, joyful, spontaneous and trusting. In the process of living, beginning from the mother’s womb, each person picks up a number of hurt emotions such as fear, anger, emptiness, frustration, inadequacy, helplessness, guilt, loneliness, depression, resentment, sadness, jealousy, which get trapped in the body creating an emotional baggage. The false self then emerges as a set of adaptive strategies to deal with pain and loss (Olson). In extreme cases it could leave its holders feeling dead and empty, lacking zest and spontaneity with a mere appearance of being real (Winnicott). These unprocessed emotions just don’t go away but keep influencing a person’s thoughts, behaviour and dealings. Gradually it takes control of the person and brings her/him face to face with the brokenness and meaninglessness leading to greater brokenness and identity crisis. Some withdraw into themselves while others get affiliated to some heroes or groups to feel important and known. Eventually such people land up in wrong places searching for happiness and meaning, which causes greater emptiness and worthlessness. Here is where they need help to deal with their trapped emotions and gain self-confidence. Jesus is the one who can understand them exactly as they want to be understood himself having gone through all that they have been subjected to, and give them a clean slate to begin all over again with the conviction of being loved by someone significant. Therefore, our responsibility to bring them in touch with him. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he did not sin” Heb 4: 15. The only way to come alive and find happiness is to find God, the author of life, in Jesus Christ. In him is the fullness of life and happiness. ‘Late have I loved you, beauty ever ancient, ever new! You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you. When at last I cling to you with my whole being there will be no more anguish or labour for me, and my life will be alive indeed, alive because filled with you’, cried out St. Augustin. “Your hearts will be filled with joy and that joy no one can take away from you” (Jn 16:22).
Our relationships, work and culture can change, so they can’t be the basis of the true meaning of life. Life-giving relationships, children, creative arts and expression are beautiful things we experience in life. They are absolutely meaningful. But they cannot be the definition of life and bring the ultimate meaning to life. These things that are meant to bring us fulfilment and joy can cause the greatest grief and misery as well. All the riches, learning, and experiences in life end up being empty (Eccl 3:20). God does not leave us in our brokenness, but enters into our brokenness through Jesus Christ and restores his designs in us. Jesus tells us, ‘therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing’ (Lk 12: 22-23). Meaning of life comes from a deeper place than just the physical world and the things that we are usually busy with (David Kim, Pastor, Northern California).
Being a healed healer
We ourselves are in the same situation of being ruled by a hurting past of debilitating experiences. Only a wounded healer can recognize the pain in the other and play the right music to start off the healing process. Any amount of intellectual inputs will not heal the heart. Emotional wounds need to be healed before the brain can make sense of the matter fed into it. “Educating the mind without educating the heart is not education at all” Aristotle. Gurus need to take time to attend to their own healing not to let their misplaced emotions spill over those given to their care, increasing their woes. At the end of a busy day, Jesus withdrew himself regularly to the mountains all by himself. “After sending the crowds away he went up into the hills by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone” (Mt 14:23). Sometimes all night he spent in prayer. As a result of being in communion with the Father and experiencing his love, he got wisdom, clarity, confidence and freedom in tending his flock. Gurus need to find their own ‘healing space’ to which they can return regularly to take charge of themselves.
Pain and suffering in human life
“Every pain gives a lesson and every lesson changes a person” Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.
Pain is an intrinsic part of human experience. From a Christian perspective pain is redemptive and so it need not make one suffer. Everything depends on our attitude. Christianity discovers the hidden treasure in suffering. In suffering faith grows when it is seen from this standpoint. ‘These trials will show you that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold, though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So, when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honour on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world’ (1 Pet 1:7). Paul tells, ‘Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong’ 2 Cor 12:8-10. St. Paul’s suffering was part of his mission of proclaiming Christ and was glad to endure any suffering for the sake of the Gospel and narrates proudly, “Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I received a stoning. Three times I was ship wrecked; for a night and a day I was adrift at sea. On frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from bandits, danger from my own people, danger from gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers and sisters, in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, hungry and thirsty, often without food, cold and naked. And besides other things, I am under daily pressure because of my anxiety for all the churches (2 Cor. 11:24-28).
The Wednesday of the Holy Week is said to be ‘Silent Wednesday’. Nothing is recorded as to what Jesus was doing on this day. Fr. Daniel Poovannathil makes an observation that Jesus who was in Bethany at the house of Lazarus and his two sisters on Tuesday must have stayed on there to spend his Wednesday preparing for what was to come in the ensuing days. Being in prayer and total communion with his Father, he must have made himself ready to fulfil his Father’s will to perfection that at the last supper, on the following day Jesus took the bread, gave thanks to the father. What was to happen on the morrow was happening at that meal – the simple bread turning into his flesh which would be broken for the redemption of many. What catches my attention is Jesus giving thanks to the Father. He was giving thanks for calling him to suffer and to lay down his life for the redemption of the world. Prayer prepares us to accept suffering joyfully seeing in it the permissive will of the Father. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom” Viktor E. Frankl. We get this power from moments of prayer and it enables us to face with courage and gratitude any eventuality life may bring.
Create a space of love
It is imperative for all but the vulnerable in particular, to have a space where they can breathe love and hear love. Incredible is the power of words on human minds. Repeated affirmative words can infuse confidence in the drooping spirit and lift one from deep waters and set towards a new horizon of hope. Creating an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard (carl Rogers) is undeniable in building up persons into well integrated healthy adults capable of creating a world of love around them. Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness without food or drink but on the power of his Father’s words: ‘You are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased’. The power of the same words repeated once again helped him go through the most gruesome scourging, crowing and crucifixion. These words revealed the depth of the Father’s love for him and humanity.
Contemplation of this scene charged with the power of love can instill hope, confidence and courage. Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam urged especially the young to pick courage to think differently, to invent, to travel unexplored paths, to discover the impossible and to conquer all formidable forces and succeed.
Shake off the dust
The painful experiences of the past have made the ‘image of God’ in us become blurred. To bring his image in sharp focus we need to clear the dust of hurting emotions by shaking them off from our system through the process of healing. An interesting tale is told of a group of women studying the book of Malachi in the Old Testament. In chapter three they came across the verse which says, “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver” (3:3). This verse puzzled the women, and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.
That week this woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the Silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needs to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were the hottest so as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a spot; and again thought about the verse, ‘that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered, “Yes”, and explained that he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be damaged.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, “How do you know when the silver is fully refined”?
He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that’s easy. When I see my image in it”.
Through suffering God refines us to be conformed to the image of Christ, his beloved Son.
Sr. Mary Thadavanal MSMHC is former Mother General of MSMHC Congregation