By Lorraine and Leon Bent –
The couple has been a part of Worldwide Marriage Encounter (India), Mumbai, for 39 years. They have held several posts: Team Couple; Unit Co-ordinators, Mumbai; Editor-Couple for the M.E. India, “News Letter,” for 8 years, conducted sessions in several parts of India for M.E. Couples, Given “Talks” during Mass, on Topics related to “Marriage and Parenting,” “Talks” to children of several schools in Mumbai, over the years, “Talks” on parenting, to parents in Church and school, etc. and are 41 years married.
This piece of writing is a “love-ly” Toast to Indian Catholic Matters!
This article is a subtly-told lived-experience of the Author-Couple. A child is the “Fruit” with a baptismal “Name,” of the ‘coitus-intimacy’ of its parents. Then, our children will have the love that, Jesus pours into the hearts of married couples, who are faithful to his mandate to love. The Heart of Jesus beats in a true Christian marriage and, consequently, a child will never be folded, stapled and mutilated.
“S/he is formed in the palm of my hand,” says the Lord (Isaiah 49: 16). There is no better way to bring up one’s offspring than the formative, loving and attractive witness of parents (two hearts beating as one). There will be fewer or no childhood hurts to struggle with in later life. Our progeny will have no problem with deprivation of parental Love, lack of self-esteem, no gripes over a sense of Belonging, and hardly any craving for Autonomy (the four basic needs of an individual), because they are trusted, confident and mature.
Children of “self-actualized” parents (Abraham Maslow) or the “individuation” of Carl Jung, will quite naturally be wholesome, and have inner-beauty. God will be their prized possession and he will be enthroned in their hearts, with fierce faith. They will almost effortlessly choose the road of Matthew’s Beatitudes in their walk through life. Rev. Bernard Haring, a Roman Catholic scholar who influenced the sweeping modernization of Vatican II, by emphasizing a moral theology of Christian love, rather than the cataloguing of a maze of Satan’s temptations and a nuptial couple’s sins – always opting for the road to Emmaus (Lk.24:13-35), with the Spirit-Jesus for engaging and vibrant company. Their hearts will “burn within them’ like the two unsuspecting and forlorn disciples, recalled as an afterthought. The Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist will become a ‘way of life’.
They will generally have Shalom: “Nothing broken, nothing missing” – Prosperity, in the true biblical sense! Finally, they will have a ‘gold spot’ in their hearts, and see the world with the vision of Jesus. Can one ask for anything more? Parents who have “Couple Love” have “Couple Power” which can Change the World! Their children, in turn, will be like Diesel Locomotives, which will not only empower world citizens, but become saints, by transforming themselves in line with the blueprint of the Gospel. The Word of God is not only a Power-House of grace, but is also empowered with the “Fruit” (Gal. 5:22) and the “Gifts” of the Holy Spirit (9 gifts: 1 Corinthians 12:8-10; Also: 7 gifts: Isaiah 11:2-3)!
Spirit-filled children burst with exuberance, scintillating charm, are slow to anger (James 1:19–20) and “rich in mercy” (Ephesians 2:4-10). They are also “meek and humble of heart” (Mt.11:29). They ooze compassion, mercy, hope and spontaneity, joy, exuberance, genteel excitement bordering on ecstasy, are guileless, they are silhouettes of grace and charm, have confidence and flair, no ego-massages are necessary, hearts laced with gold, are happily living their dream, are generous and out-going, are able to make lightning-swift choices – discernment in the Spirit; they take the road-less travelled, their faces have the sunrise in them and their person explodes with colour and design. This divine melieu leaves no room for decadence and debauchery, frustration and depression! Not even one heavy stone weighs on their hearts! No rebellious fire in their eyes! This brand of children can sleep easy in the knowledge that the sins of their parents will not be visited on them. They are dream children who are perfect gifts to the community…everyone…everywhere! And, imagine, their stirring love stories have just begun! What a miracle…yet, it rings so true! Lives clothed in prolific, precious, profound art!
Their stance perennially is: “Jesus, walk with me. I need to learn more about your love and become a saint for which I was created!” Why can one wax eloquent about them? Yes, simply because their parents were piping-hot “Lovers!” They are/were life-giving in this world, and leave behind for their children a rich legacy of raw, dripping glory of oranges and yellows, when the sun sets on their charming lives: A treasure chest of good, beautiful and cherished memories that never fade away: Ambrosial food, really!
Now, these gold nuggets! Perfection belongs to the gods; the most one can hope for in our children is “par excellence!” This is a wonderful Buddhist saying for bringing up our wards: “The arrow that hits the bull’s eye is the result of a thousand misses! Your children need you, not your material gifts. Children of plenty, have plenty of problems! Remember, failure is a teacher. A harsh one, perhaps, but the best! Success lies on the far side of non-performance! No kindness is ever wasted, or even completely lost! The two saddest words in any language – “If only”! We, parents, should write our worries on sand, when the tide is coming in – so we do not pass them on to our progeny! Please avoid, at all costs, to use a hammer, to kill a fly! Effective discipline is as much a part of love, as hugs and kisses! Our children will go from “zero to billionaire,” metaphorically, if they spend ten minutes with Jesus every morning!
Remember, the Lord is always with our families in the shadows; almost in silhouette! Keep in mind Matthew’s Beatitudes lead one on a journey to wholeness! Also, the Eucharist has Jesus as the “Super Star!” At Mass, we are all transformed into stars and burn our brightest, because of it! And, finally: When “Parents are Lovers,” children flower – shapely, brilliantly-hued and subtly-fragrant! And, like a deep-rooted tree, our heirs will be securely-anchored and free! Child-rearing is an artist’s work! All this is our priceless bestowal or heritage! Quite ironically, the price tag! Eternal Bliss!