Interpreting ‘Wives, Be Subject to Your Husbands’

By Dr. Marianne Furtado de Nazareth –

The reading from Colossians 3:18 attributed to St. Paul, has been a source of huge discomfort in my mind from the time I was a young woman: “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” As a little girl I would let the sentence roll around in my mind while we attended mass in Sacred Heart Cathedral in New Delhi.

However I saw a very equal marriage in my parents relationship while growing up. Dad did his fair share of help in the house and was always there for Mum and us kids. Mum was never made to feel ‘subject’, infact the image that most of us siblings carry with us today, is of Mum coming home from anywhere and pulling off her saree and throwing it in a heap on the bed and Dad folding it away very neatly.

Again the passage was brought up when I was to be married and this was the passage suggested for one of the readings. I agreed compliantly, but again was uncomfortable when it was read out in church. At 23 in those days, one did not disagree when readings were suggested. Thankfully that has not been the attitude expected of me, one of subservience, instead life has been pretty equal on all fronts.

But this passage always came around year after year and chatting with a priest student, he brought up other potentially controversial passages in Scripture, adding another one of Ephesians 5:21–25. This, by the way, is the most extensive passage on the marriage relationship in all of Scripture, he said. Take three of those verses: “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands” (Eph. 5:22–24).

Does this sound like the wife is reduced to second-class citizenship in the family? That’s how some people interpret it. But before we can take it seriously, we have to understand it correctly.

What Does “Head” Mean?

I was told to not take the passage literally and start with the scriptural command that the husband is to be “head” of his wife. The Greek word used by the sacred writer is kephale, which literally means “head.” When we use the word head figuratively, we mean “leader” or “chief” or “director”; the one who has authority in a given situation or structure. In other words, the head is the boss.

There are seven passages in Paul’s epistles, explained the priest, in which kephale is used figuratively. Five of them refer to Christ as “head” of the Church (Eph. 1:22–23; 4:15; Col. 1:18; 2:9–10, 19). Here kephale used figuratively means “exalted originator and completer,” “source or beginning or completion,” or “one who brings fullness.” There are other Greek words that mean “boss” in our sense of the term. None is used to describe Christ’s relationship to the Church—only kephale is.

Two passages speak of the husband as kephale, “head,” of the wife: 1 Corinthians 11:3 and Ephesians 5:23. Here the word kephale carries the same meaning, in an analogous sense, that it has in those passages in which it is applied to Christ. Paul often used the head-body metaphor to stress the unity of Christ and his Church. In nature, of course, head and body are dependent on each other to be complete.

Check out in Ephesians 5:25–27 what Christ as kephale of the Church does for her: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her… that he might present the church to himself in splendour… that she might be holy and without blemish.” Christ gave himself up for the church to enable her to become all that God created her to be.

Now look at what the husband’s being kephale for his wife means: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. Not many husbands are called upon to literally die for their wives, but all husbands are called by God to sacrificially serve their wives.

But if the husband is to be the head in the marriage, how can there be true equality between the spouses?

For Christians, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). In other words, human distinctions mean nothing. And yet husbands are called to be heads of their wives. How can this be?

The opening line of the key New Testament passage about the relationship God intends to exist between husbands and wives is this: Husbands and wives should “be subject to one another.” The wife “subjects” herself to her husband by accepting his role as head. That is, she cooperates with him in filling that role of service to her and the children. The husband, on the other hand, “subjects” himself to his wife by accepting and doing his best to fulfill her needs for love and care, provision and order, day after day, so long as they both shall live. God intends that there should be mutual subjection of husbands and wives.

Doing a bit of research I found what Pope Pius XI taught in 1930, which gently closes the misconception. He said: “The submission of the wife neither ignores nor suppresses the liberty to which her dignity as a human person and her noble functions as wife, mother, and companion give her the full right.

That’s what Pope Pius XI taught regarding submission of wives to their husbands. And this is the proper and authentic interpretation on St. Paul’s teaching:

1) It does not mean violation of her rights according to her dignity as a human person;
2) It does not mean for her to submit to her husband’s desires blindly, totally, and completely because his desires may be unreasonable and not compatible to his wife’s dignity;
3) It does not mean she is to be treated like minors who are not able to make mature judgment.

So, in a nut-shell, submission of wives to their husbands does not mean violating her dignity as a human person. Again, the head and the heart must be in harmony for the sake of keeping the body united. They must be in harmony for the sake of keeping the family united!

The role of husband and wife is not about competing with one another. But it is about complementing one another. Again, one as the head and the other as the heart. And both possess the dignity of being human persons and being children of God.

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Dr. Marianne Furtado de Nazareth is adjunct faculty, St. Joseph’s PG College of Mass Communication, freelance Science and Environment Journalist and content head of mesdi.ae, a site on sustainable living.