By Jacqueline Colaco –
I’ve often asked myself what motivates me and pushes me to do what I do, as my head is always abuzz with dozens of new ideas. When these are exhausted new ones automatically float in. Something happens that particular day or a fresh discussion with someone sparks off another driving force that stimulates and inspires my being to action anew. It’s a continuous process that caused my sister Jeanette to comment recently on my ceaseless energy, which sometimes leads me to ‘overdoing’ or ‘over giving’, despite being 68 and in not too good health! Perhaps it’s because at age 81, she’s worn of patiently listening to all I pour out about my ideas and plans, seeking her opinion in our daily phone chats. Not that she stretches herself any less with her outreach, especially in caring for her ailing husband a few years ago…
Very often in this process of ‘wanting to do’ and to ‘reach out’ to others, we tend to expect miracles to happen. For the beneficiaries to robotically ‘fall in line’ with our plans for them, mainly if they be our family members, our domestic helpers or those at organizations where we donate our money or volunteer our skills and services. We find it extremely hard to maintain that they can have a point of view that is different from ours, more so when they are less educated or able, sick and dependent, or show signs of aging. They may then tend to get on our nerves as while we elevate ourselves to a high level of ‘do gooders’, and perceive that they do not see the kindnesses that are flowing out of our good intentions. Instead they might focus on their own needs (that we deem being self centred), gripe or crib at small inconveniences and respond non-co-operatively in our plans to ease their situation. Label them stumbling blocks, who try our patience, our convenience, our adaptability to include them in our scheme of outreach, yet reciprocate unfairly by a lack of ‘doing it our way’?
Fortunately, experience has proved that even currently, love of family and that of true friends pushes many of us to endure hardships so as to provide for our loved ones, despite facing only rudeness and often sparse or even no gratitude in return. This is vastly more evident if they were once our care givers and now roles are sadly reversed by factors of illness or aging and they just expect the care etc. It is only a very generous giver who will understand that this is borne out of the insecurity and frustration of the person who once maybe was in the upper position and independent, but is now dependent on another.
There are some people who graciously receive with humble submission and co-operation; others just will not and continue with their pride and arrogance; yet others with resistance and stubbornness and many with resentment and hatred, vowing to get their own back, yet are forced to accept because at a particular point in time their need is great. Sadly others just succumb to other ‘self inflicted’ disasters like suicide or are sometimes just abandoned when ‘near and dear’ can tolerate no more…
So back to what drives me, pushes me to ‘do’ and to ‘give’ to my own family, to my friends and in the organizations where I volunteer? I do drive myself hard to see miracles happen and I often want things to work out ‘MY WAY’! Sometimes they have, many times they have not. Along the journey of 32 years of illness I’ve been at the ‘receiving’ end, and now that I do feel better, am slowly learning the ways too of the ‘giving’ that I’ve imbibed from these valuable lessons…
I’ll share:
- When we set out on our ‘do good’ mission not all will understand us. We’ll receive our bouquets and our brickbats, especially if we are in the public eye. Some will think we are self seekers. We have to stand firm in our commitments as we know ourselves best and the inner motives that drive us.
- We shall need a lot of patience to be accommodating to the ideas of others. Hear and wait for them to come round to our point of view, or be agreeable in disagreement. Another point of view may be the more suitable one. Learn to accept it. Team work especially always calls for sharing of different views emanating from various temperaments and levels of understanding. Never succumb to ‘Founder’s Syndrome’ in an organization you may have started. Sow a seed, establish a strong base and move on.
In the ultimate analysis if we want a miracle we must be that miracle. YES! A miracle of patience, tolerance and acceptance and change, trying to understand and accept those who may not understand and accept us, and do the best possible for them to the extent they want it, showing them respect alongside. A saying goes, ‘When you love someone, let them go. If they love you in return, they will always come back to you’!
Our change of attitude will be the miracle we seek and help us maintain our dignity, self respect and sense of commitment, despite disappointments at not maybe always looking miraculous through our own and others’ eyes!
The Good Samaritan, Simon of Cyrene, Veronica and Joseph of Arimethea come to mind this Lenten season as to how MIRACLE MAKERS can conduct themselves in daily life situations!
Jacqueline Colaco, at 68, describes herself as an ‘Armchair Minister’, a ‘People’s Person’ and a ‘Winner, not a Whiner’!
A former Bank Executive whose highly active and successful life underwent a sea change when Rheumatoid arthritis struck at age 37, she resigned when 45 and co-founded Arthritis Foundation (I). She passionately advocates for better accessibility infrastructure in India to enable mainstreaming persons with disabilities. Also promotes awareness against female foeticide/infanticide.
Owing to limited mobility and therefore largely housebound, Jacqueline’s interests range from a love of her garden to reading, music and films, TV, writing for the newspapers and other publications, interacting on social networks and visitors.
She has participated assisted by an escort in 10 marathons in her wheelchair, raising funds for disability NGOs. Also involves in a Saturday soup kitchen that feeds about a hundred hungry homeless. Enjoys her monthly outing to Catholic Club for intellectual stimulation at a book club called ‘IBrowse’.
She has retired to a Senior Citizen Home at Bengaluru to fulfill her dream of being part of community caring and sharing.
In 2010 she published her autobiography ‘Just Me, Jacqueline on My Way’ typed with a single finger!