Sunil Mahajan –
Why do we refuse to learn how to let go of the past? Why is it so difficult to let go of experiences that have caused us pain and suffering?
Letting go of the past, including people who hurt you, may involve accepting what you can’t control, taking accountability, and focusing on the lessons. Seeking help is also important.
How to let go of the past may mean different things to different people. It may also depend on your situation. Maybe you think letting go is about being able to remember events or people without experiencing the pain. Perhaps you feel it’s about forgetting altogether. Or, it may mean you want to move on despite not having forgotten or forgiven yet.
Many of us get stuck in the past because of our need for certainty. Certainty is one of human needs and is fundamentally about survival. We need to feel certain that we can avoid pain and, ideally, find some comfort in our lives. We also like to feel certain about what’s next – and letting go of the past means stepping into the unknown. It takes courage to let go of what is familiar – even if it’s negative – and be vulnerable enough to learn how to let go of past mistakes.
The other reason it’s so difficult to learn how to let go of the past has to do with the way we link emotion to information. Information with emotion makes an indelible impression. This is why so many of our limiting beliefs are formed in our childhood – yet it doesn’t explain why we refuse to learn how to let things go. Some are ingrained into our minds for the rest of our lives and we become captive to them. Focusing on the “what ifs” may lead you to repeatedly engage in the same inner conversations and scenarios. The “should haves” or “what ifs” will not change what happened. Ruminating on the same negative thoughts may affect your mood, relationships, and even your ability to be productive and creative.
One of the many ways I have learnt to deal with my past is taking accountability. When you hold on to your pain, resentment, or hurtful memories, you’re reliving the painful experience again and again. This may keep you stuck in the past, which is something you can no longer change. It’s natural and valid to feel this is a difficult task. Maybe the pain is so intense that you can’t help but focus on it, or perhaps you have to live with the consequences. But healing is still possible. You deserve it.
Maybe you didn’t have a say in what hurt you in the past, but you have a say now. You can choose where you put your mind and heart today.
Focusing on past events may leave little room in your heart and mind for new experiences, including those that may bring you joy.
I found that taking accountability doesn’t mean you have to blame yourself for things that happened to you in the past. It’s more about realizing how much energy you’re spending on remembering or feeling things that are no longer your present.
We need to constantly remind ourselves that whatever it may mean to you, it’s possible to release what weighs heavy on your heart and mind. You can heal. Here’s how.
· Let it out,
· Take accountability.
· Focus on the lessons.
· Teach yourself to be present
· Accept what you can’t change.
· Make space for the new.
I have realised that no matter how broken one may be or how broken one may feel, you have something to share with others – even if it’s something as common as a smile or a listening ear. When you finally realize that the secret to living is giving, your life will improve dramatically and you will be able to see how to let go of the past. Focusing on the needs of others has a way of empowering you to do more than you thought possible.
Learning how to let go of past wounds, regrets, and experiences is a skill that we must learn and practice. Over time, we’ll become better at accepting the past and the world around us, find more forgiveness and peace, and live a fulfilling life that looks to the present and future. “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.