Marriage: A Gift to Society

By Dr Jeanette Pinto –

Marriage is God’s gift to individuals, families and society at large. World Marriage Day is an observance sponsored by an American organisation worldwide. It is associated with the Catholic Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement and observed on the second Sunday of February each year. Titled ‘World Marriage Day’, its purpose is declared to honour husband and wife as the foundation of the family, the basic unit of society. It salutes the beauty of their faithfulness, sacrifice, their pro-life attitude, and joy in daily married life. The Second Vatican Council said: “the well-being of the individual person and of human and Christian society is intimately linked with the healthy condition of that community produced by marriage and family. (Gaudium et Spes) no 48.

The Catholic Church cares about your marriage. Every marriage witnesses to God’s faithful, fruitful and lasting love for His people. Marriage confers a myriad benefits on a husband and wife, and on any children that they are blessed with. The Church provides basic help for many couples to keep their marriages strong, happy and holy since our lives are full of hectic schedules, children, work, etc. “It seems we never had a chance to really talk let alone romance each other before our weekend,” say a D’Souza couple; “Now we have a tool to use to keep US on the front burner. Thank goodness we made a weekend—we are more alive and in love than we could ever have imagined”.

On their wedding day, the bride and groom promise to be faithful to each other “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Sooner or later, all couples face the “worse” or “poorer” or “sickness” in their marriage. At these times of difficulty, married couples benefit tremendously from the support of their Church, family, friends and relatives.

Who says that married couples have no problems? On the contrary they constantly face difficulties which are ant-life. Here are some of them.
1. Addictions result out of habit formation. If you or your spouse in the past month has taken a drink or smoked first thing in the morning to help recover from a hangover, you may be dealing with an addiction problem. Drugs of any kind can ruin a marriage.
2. Career and Employment Issues – This may sound simple. Everyone would like to be occupied in a job. But jobs take a lot of time and sometimes that time is stolen from the time that the marriage relationship requires, then it needs attention. But what if unemployment hits home? The spouse has time hanging on his or her hands. This is a challenge for the couple.
3. Conflict Resolution skills. Conflict is normal in any marriage. However when conflicts escalate to contempt or disrespect, or when they seem unsolvable and are causing grief for one or both spouses, there is no shame in reaching out for help. It would do well to consult a Family Counsellor.
4. Death of a Loved One. Losing a child, family member or dear family friend can be a heavy weight for a marriage to bear. Losing a spouse is a devastating blow. Grieving spouses and parents need support, love and time to heal.
5. Domestic Violence. Conflict is part of every intimate relationship- that’s why conflict resolution skills are important. Domestic violence has no place in a healthy relationship, whether the couple is dating, engaged, married or cohabiting. Respect for one another is the basis of all strong relationships.
6. Finances: Finance counsellors often point out to finances as the most common cause of divorce. That’s only partially true. Financial problems arise when a couple says, ‘my money’ and ‘your money’ but when the finances are shared for the common purpose of the family well-being there is no dispute.
7. Illness especially chronic illness, changes the relationship with spouse, family, friends, social network and God. Illness can bring out the best and sometimes the worst in both spouses. This needs support from family members and extended family.
8 Infertility when a couple is unable to have children, it causes great pain emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually. The feelings of emptiness and loss can be overwhelming. Miscarriages often bring much grief to couples who grieve in silence.
9 Infidelity. Healing a marriage when there has been infidelity takes teamwork. Both spouses must commit to getting the marriage back on track, or possible getting to where it never was. This calls for courage.
10. In-Laws can be a blessing to a couple, but can also bring tension to a marriage. Boundaries and clear paths of communication are the key.

The most modern enemy of a married couple is Pornography. This anti-life evil damages the trust and intimacy within the husband wife relationship; it can even lead to the end of the marriage itself. It deters family life and relationship with God and sets a destructive example for one’s children. In 2015, the bishops published a formal statement on this subject called, “Create in me a clean Heart: A Pastoral Response to Pornography.”

When married couples are aware of these difficulties that disrupt marriage, they can monitor or use them as a guide that does not hamper their relationship. It is important to develop a Pro-life heart to make the marriage work. The God factor can make a big difference in how long a marriage lasts, and can also impact its quality. It is generally said, “A family that prays together stays together’’.

Marriage is truly a gift to society because it has been a permanent fixture in Western society for millennia. The so called ‘nuclear family’ consisting of a father, mother, and children are the basic building blocks of society. It is in the family that children learn to become citizens, learn about relationships and about what is expected in society. If the couple is life-giving in their relationships, their marriage is sure to be a successful one.

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Dr Jeanette Pinto, an educator for the past 5 decades, headed the Department of History was Vice Principal of St. Xavier’s College Mumbai, and retired as Principal of Sophia College, Mumbai. She is a counsellor and conductor of Personal Enrichment Programmes for students and teachers.
Dr Pinto set up the Human Life Committee in the Archdiocese of Bombay. As a sex educator she has given talks on Human Sexuality in India and abroad. In 2014 she received the Rachana Outstanding Woman of the Year for her Pro-life work presented by the Diocese of Mangalore. She has attended many National and International Pro-life conferences and given talks at other fora on various women’s issues.
Dr Pinto is author of a couple of books, her most recent ones are titled: I’m Pro-Life Are you? & Sex Talk: Parent to Child. She has also written a number of articles on a variety of themes and subjects, which have been published in research journals, The Examiner and other Catholic publications.