Tom Thomas –
“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.” – Umberto Eco
There is a lot of noise in the world generally about Mother’s Day, but Father’s Day comes and goes rather quietly in comparison. Maybe mothers have more impact on one’s life growing up. Whatever the reason, this day gave me the occasion to reflect on the importance of the quality of patience in my role as a father through two moments in my life that occurred on Father’s Day.
First Moment: When my father asked me to do something for him online just as I was about to leave for a function, there was a momentary irritation in me, and maybe this came across in my expression. He might have gauged it but did not say anything to me. I finally organized what he wanted, and it was indeed something he could not have done by himself- the online world is not easy to navigate for those unfamiliar. At that moment he reached out to me for help, I realised on hindsight that I was not patient with him, as he had always been with me numerous times when I was growing up. If he had not been patient with me through the various phases of my life, I would not be where I am today. Numerous times in life while I was growing from baby to child to full-fledged adult, my dad has been patient in teaching me how to navigate life and the skills required.
Second Moment: The same day, another moment in time. I was shepherding the family to Church for the service and my son delayed in getting ready beyond what I thought was a reasonable time to leave home so as to reach on time. I left without him as I wanted to teach him the importance of discipline regarding “time-matters”. This was something maybe I was not patient enough with him to get him to understand and develop the importance of timeliness. He understood implicitly that I left him alone, and that I did not wait for him. I was seeking to be perfect before God by being on time to Church, but really, was I being a good father? Were those extra few minutes that I could have waited for my son, more important than teaching the lesson of the discipline of being on time to my son? Was I demonstrating a father’s love as I have received from my own father? Did my son see divinity in me at that moment? Now I recall what I read somewhere, sometime ago: “These interruptions are really spiritual moments!”
I have read about the prodigal father in the Gospel of St. Luke (15: 11-32). The great love and patient longing for the son who squandered all his wealth, and then accepting him back unconditionally is patience par excellence! Why could I not be like this father to my son, as my own father has been to me, in fact ? These questions bothered me. A stark lesson on Father’s day!
Being a father is never easy. Patience is needed in heaps. I have a long way to go in becoming the father to my son, as my father was to me. Help me Lord.