By Fr. Hedwig Lewis, SJ –
Making excuses is a trap we can all fall into. Excuses are rationalizations we make to ourselves about people, events and circumstances. They are invented reasons we create to defend our behaviour, to neglect taking a particular kind of action, or simply as a means of not undertaking responsibility. We explain away why we didn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t or simply wouldn’t do something. An excuse can be an unsatisfactory explanation to a questionable action.
Sometimes individuals make up “pre-excuses,” in which they tell themselves, and possibly others, that they will not be able to get something done when in reality they are afraid to try. By setting the stage for failure, the pre-excuser does not have to be held responsible for an inability to succeed.
The main reasons we make excuses is to avoid blame for a fault, failure, or neglect; to avoid accountability or exertion. Excuses are in essence a means of placing blame OF an internal problem ON an external condition
The basic factor of excuses is FEAR, chiefly the fear of taking up responsibility or making mistakes. Fear traps and locks us away within our comfort zone. It creates the illusion of security, temporarily. Nobody else wants to hear your excuses – and the only person that feels better when you make them is you. Nobody is helped when you make excuses. When we continually talk ourselves out of doing things we want to do, we create a powerful downward spiral of decreasing opportunities, dwindling abundance, and diminishing self-respect.
We must distinguish here between justifications and excuses. Justification is an explanation which is aimed at eliminating or lessening the negative value of the outcome of a questionable action. Excuse is an explanation which is aimed at eliminating or lessening our responsibility for a questionable action. The person may be lying but as long as the listener is unable to detect the lie, though he/she may intuit something is “fishy”, the explanation given will be considered as a justification or an excuse rather than a lie. If we know a person to be fully responsible for a certain outcome, we will not accept his/her explanation as an excuse but as a lie. Making up excuses is as stressful as lying, because you have to remember exactly what you have told various people. Being honest relieves you stress.
Excuses are often lies or half-truths we tell ourselves to avoid dealing with unpleasant truths. Instead of addressing the underlying problem, we merely hide the symptoms. To uproot excuse-making we must confront the real issues behind the excuses with consciousness and courage.
For instance, we say “I don’t have time.” True? Do we not ‘make’ time for marginal activities like watching TV, or waste in some meaningless, unproductive activity? If we check our priorities we will realize the problem is not lack of time but a lack of will.
“I don’t know how.” This is one of the feeblest excuses of all. Are you capable of learning? Did you stop after learning to crawl, complain “I don’t know how to walk?” The truth behind “I don’t know how” is “I’m unwilling to learn.” If you face the fact, you may decide that even though it would be a lot of work to learn a new skill, you could do it if you wanted it badly enough and really applied yourself.
Excuses are just a product of a lack of discipline, and discipline is just remembering what it is that you really want: you just do them. You stay disciplined because you WANT the result of the work. You do not succumb to laziness or procrastination, and understand that it is just part of the overall process. Leaders are where they are because they’ve stayed disciplined through their failures. Excuses are a way to avoid failures. If we understand that failure is just part of the overall process, we will stay disciplined through setbacks and not feel paralyzed into inaction.
Facing the truth is sometimes difficult, but it gives you the opportunity to take charge, to make positive decisions and to gradually eliminate the need for excuses. The real truth may seem uncomfortable, and identifying excuses can be a very hard concept to understand at first. Most people will end up in denial about their excuses or try to justify them as “good excuses.” Good or otherwise, an excuse is an excuse. Excuses are simply reasons you provide for not doing something. They keep you out of the winner’s circle. It is within your power to eliminate them and live a successfully fulfilling life.
Fr. Hedwig Lewis SJ is the author of Persons Are Gifts and several other books. Visit his website: Joygift.tripod.com or contact him at [email protected]