By Teresa Joseph fma
September 10 has been remembered as World Suicide Prevention Day in partnership with the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the World Health Organization. A number of online conferences and webinars will certainly take place in the ‘new normal’ brought in by COVID-19. This article is just a sharing of my little experience with young college students especially young sons. The article: “Can’t believe that she is no more” , The Teenager Today, September 2020, 18-19 can offer you information on how to recognize warning signs of suicide and how a loving dialogue can be of help to accompany youngsters.
Oh the pain my son caused us
A colleague of mine, with tears in her eyes shared: “oh the pain my son caused us, we just can’t get over it…. We never had the slightest idea. Everything seemed to be so fine. We offered him even what we didn’t enjoy as children. Our son was so charming and so smart that never a day there was a complaint about him from anyone.”
Teens in an increasingly digital world
We are witnessing an alarming rise in fear, concern and suicide risk among teens over the past years. Several academics, parents, and health professional think that use of heavy technology and social media is one of the causes. The COVID-19 global pandemic hit, pushing overnight schools, peer networks, workplaces, families and communities online. Today, educators, parents and adolescents themselves face unprecedented instability. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death worldwide and rates of completed suicide are higher in men than women—with men up to four times more likely to kill themselves than women.
A strong network
A strong network among families and countries to develop/strengthen comprehensive suicide prevention strategies in an interdisciplinary, intercultural and multispectral public health and educational approach could be encouraged with a SMART methodology. The best, most wide-reaching suicide prevention techniques focus on helping to make countries, communities, organizations and families physically and mentally healthy. To teach coping and problem-solving skills, the approach is social-emotional learning programs, parenting skills and family relationship programs. With proactive leadership roles, parents, educators, medical professionals and media experts can save the lives of thousands and thousands of youngsters. A network of Parent Teacher collaboration has proved very healthy in various places.
Don’t get easily fooled
Don’t just go by the feeling that everything is under control. A person from Germany who lived for many years in Bangalore was acknowledged a specialist with and for young people. A youngster whom we knew very well committed suicide leaving a note: “I am responsible for taking away my life. Please don’t hold anyone else responsible.” Shocked at the unexpected loss of this youngster, talking among ourselves, the person told me: it looks like our youngsters are sharing with us everything, let me tell you they talk about everything except what is really troubling them…. That day I learned one of the strongest lessons in life.
The deadly symptom: All is not well
In the midst of all that life presents, it is not that easy to understand the subtle symptoms of all is not well. Professional help needs to be sought. More than focusing on offering even that which was not available to you, there is greater need to spend time with your sons and daughters. Mom and Dad: let us talk more was the plea of a youngster even when she was having a very good job earning well and very good and caring parents.
Standby your son
Most youngsters today are very allergic to preaching. A youngster one day told me: “My mom is radio mirchi…” The explanation was her mom’s bla… bla was nonstop. In all appearance our young people showcase a kind of feeling that all that they are looking for is: freedom, independence and space to be the king in their kingdoms with their peer groups. The most delicate point to ponder for a parent is that beneath this gracious picture that your beloved son is trying to paint for you, there is deep within him, a profound longing for that word of encouragement from mom: son you have done well… what more can I do for you? Can I be of any help to you? From dad, your son just wants to hear that son; I know that you are in a better position to handle this issue. What is your suggestion for mom and me? Research has proved that young people today are better equipped to propose alternatives, to find solutions etc. They are almost dead against when parents hide serious problems, tensions etc. from them. Stand by your sons they need your loving assurance.
Empower with emotional support
Once you get your sons on your side, offer emotional support in plenty. Whisper into their ears: love you darling, create an experience in such a way that they can bask in your unconditional love and be assured that together we can find a way out of any awful situation. Assure them that you will do all things possible to nurture their life and that you understand that ‘all’s not well.’ Affirmation and love can help to promote life. Give them the assurance that you are always there to stand by, that they can count on you in good times and on rainy days. Come what may please mom and dad forget about the extreme mood swings of your son, let him feel that you are ever ready to offer him unconditional love; that in spite of his weakness and thoughtlessness he can always fall into your loving arms find a shoulder to rest on.
Building up a healthy family environment
Nothing can substitute a healthy family environment and building up such a one is the shared responsibility of all family members. Feel free to share with your son what you hold dear at heart. Two years ago, a mom told me: “I told my son it is okay to have a girl friend but don’t make me a grandma soon…” A dad had engraved in his heart, how his dad used to walk miles just to save 20 paisa, he added: we had eaten even banana skins…but today God has offered me such a lot that I see to the education of a few needy youngsters… A healthy family environment is knit together on the pains, joys and hardships that a family has gone through and in their courage to move ahead trusting in the Lord and in each other.
Sr Teresa Joseph, FMA is a Salesian Sister of the Bombay Province. She holds a masters degree in Science of Education with specialization in Catechetics from Auxilium Rome and a PhD in Missiology with specialization in Inter-religious Studies from the Gregorian University Rome.
Sr Teresa is a freelance writer and contributes articles for various journals in India and abroad. Her recent publications include Dream Big Dream True and Family of Truth: The Liminal Context of Inter-Religious Dialogue. She has launched and co-edited an animation book for the family titled Stay Connected in the Circle of Love (2007).
When Parents lose their children in the act of suicide it is heartwrenching for them.
Social media has engulfed the lives of teenagers. Competetion has set in and
family bonding has received a set back.
There is a communication gap between parents and children and children
find it difficult to keep pace with the enticing technological gadgets that
the modern world has to offer.