The Abruptness of Dying

By Subhasis Chattopadhyay –

My father was there at home on the 18th of December, 2020. Then he had to be taken to the hospital because he could suddenly no longer move. From 18th December to early 3rd January he was first delirious and finally went into a coma; now he is no more. This set me thinking of our ends and, how I could not say goodbye to my dad. He was up and about on the 18th of December, 2020; and then he went to the realms of light on the 3rd of January, 2021.

I have Hindu and Catholic friends. Hinduism teaches us that either he is reborn in some other dimension or, he has become one with the One. This last had been illustrated by others anecdotally like this: a drop of rain was falling into an ocean and was scared. What will happen to me, it shrieked to another drop of rain. ‘Will I lose my identity’? ‘No no, you become the ocean’. The other possibility according to my Catholic friends is that he is in the presence of God, with his identity intact. He still has corporeality to the extent he has individuality. So fundamentally both religious traditions agree that my father still ‘is’. So while I know my dad is there but I do not know in which form. Certainly not as a ghost. But it is understood either way, that his essence remains. But not if he has had mukti. Hinduism admits of eternity but does not admit of either eternal salvation or eternal damnation, mukti is something else.

The Bhagavad Gita says that the soul cannot be torn asunder with weapons; neither can water wet it nor fire burn it…neither is it right to mourn for one gone into the realms of light and is one with the One. The Bible too teaches the same thing…the soul is eternal. But it was created ex-nihilo. If we get caught up in these eschatological theories; we cannot have a dialogue. What everyone knows is this: a dad is a dad and once gone, will not return in my lifetime. The emptiness is shattering. Faith in any religion, forget the nitty-gritty of the major faith traditions, is shaken. The greatest fear is to succumb to the real temptation: there is no God. Because if there was a God, how is it my dad, not your dad, was taken? It does not help to say that he was dear to God. Emptiness and futility remain.

So, how does one cope with grief? I don’t know the answers. Life carries on. The birds sing and I have to carry on. But life has become meaningless. Studies, a life of prayer and meditation and other pleasantries are all futile. He won’t return. He won’t return. Neither will I meet him. These are what the demons say to me. He is gone; thus give up on God. But then I remember all the good times we had. We had a lot of fun. And he is very much there. How can I be so confident about this?

Because long ago, when I had no clue about losing a parent; I studied both Christianity and Hinduism formally. Though the buzzards whisper, oh you too will be no more someday; the holy men and women of various faith traditions have told me otherwise through their writings millennia ago. My father does not metaphorically live on through his grandchild and I. But he actually lives. And lives well and happy. Because whether you are a Christian or a Hindu: it is your patrimony to know that God alone ‘is’ and is everywhere. Peace. The point here is that without ‘swadhyaya’/lectio divina; I would falsely believe in my current crisis that God qua Brahman is not. But because I took the advice of Hindu and Christian holy people who are themselves no more; I went through the grind of studying religious traditions.

Today, though I feel empty and mourn; I know my father is right there with God, one with the One and abides in God. It is of no consequence to ponder on whether God is weak as proven by Christian systematic theology or, God is devoid of weakness as proven by the Sanatana Dharma. Either way; Brahman qua YHWH, the attributeless One (nirguna), became with attributes (saguna) to take my dad away from this valley of tears. Peace. Peace. Peace.

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Subhasis Chattopadhyay is a recluse who lost his father, the late Dr Kartik Chattopadhyay on the third of January, 2021. He is a bibliophile; and has completed formal studies in the Bible and separately, in Hinduism from the Oxford Centre for Hindu Studies. His Biblical studies were completed from the Pontifical Atheneum, Bengaluru. He writes on interreligious dialogues for us. His book reviews from 2010 to 2020 in Prabuddha Bharata have been showcased by Ivy League Presses. He earns his living by teaching English at the UG and PG levels in a non-community college in West Bengal; affiliated to the University of Calcutta. He annotates the Bible here and is now writing his own books on religious scriptures and on literature.