By Chris D’Souza –
“Something just isn’t right” wondered Alex as he woke up the morning after Ash Wednesday. There had been a quarrel in their family the previous night – tempers flared, unfair accusations were made, there were a few tears, then stony silence… and the Martin family went to bed feeling unhappy and distant.
Alex, a 44-year-old, successful IT professional had always been active in his parish. His wife Anjali, two years younger, was a caring homemaker. She gave up her full-time job a few years ago when she realized that their three teenage children, Sonali, Akshay and Abigail, needed more attention. She nevertheless kept in touch with her media and writing profession, taking up small assignments from time to time. Anjali somehow felt a bit distant from Alex these days, though she couldn’t place her finger on anything in particular. She dismissed it as too much work stress and the effects of the recent epidemic and lockdown.
The Martin family had faithfully attended the Ash Wednesday service and kept all the Church rules on fasting and regular prayer. Still … something was palpably missing, Alex pondered during his stand-up meeting at office that morning. Two Bible verses played on his mind that day: Psalm 51:3 and Mk 12:30. That evening, after family prayers he shared his thoughts with his family. “We’ve been through several challenges during the lockdown and our lives have changed in some ways… hopefully we’ve learned some lessons. After all, as they say, it’s supposed to be the new normal. You know, I’ve been thinking that I reacted badly to Akshay’s coming home late yesterday”. The girls and their mum silently agreed. They too had contributed their share last night. Akshay had returned from hanging out with his friends – much after family prayer time and that had triggered the quarrel. It subsequently took several turns and everyone was left unhappy after the outbursts and ensuing accusations. “I’ve been thinking that this Lent, instead of just following the rules; let’s get into the spirit of repentance”. And he shared with them the verses that were playing on his mind that day. Sonali nodded in agreement. “We’ve been studying the Social Doctrine of the Church at Sunday school and I think focusing on it would help us move in the direction of true repentance and love for our neighbour. I suggest we study one area each week and share our insights”. “And also the cardinal and theological virtues of the Church” added Anjali.
So the plan was put in place. Each week they reflected on one topic and looked for ways to implement it. All was done in the spirit of David’s psalm of repentance. They key words were “and renew a right spirit within me”. Lent stretched on and along with their daily prayer and fasting on Fridays, they started sharing new insights. The Martin family began to notice positive changes in each other and in themselves.
It was the week before Easter. Sonali was the first to announce her action: “I’ve exited Shirley’s WhatsApp group since 90% of what goes on there is pure gossip. I really feel bad that I contributed to some of it myself. And I already feel lighter now that I’m out. And by the way, I’ve joined a new group that shares positive insights and happenings. Helps me keep my sanity!” Encouraged by Sonali’s candidness, Alex remarked, “Even though I know the meaning of the word ‘subsidiarity’, I hadn’t realized I could apply it to decision making with my team at work! The team is freer and happier now that I trust them more with decisions”. Her eyes moist, Anjali softly remarked, “Our maid, Madhu has faithfully worked with us for 9 years and we have barely raised her pay twice. We all know she is struggling to admit her son into college. I feel so ashamed”, she softly sobbed. “Dad and I have decided to give her a 40% pay raise and bear Arun’s entire college expenses. He will need to share his marks each semester though, for accountability”. A deep sense of quiet joy mingled with relief settled through the Martin household.
“What about you guys?”, asked Sonali, looking at Akshay and Abigail. “I feel prompted to attend the youth retreat in the evenings this week, rather than hang out with the guys at Sesame’s”, responded Akshay, looking at his feet. “Only guys!?”, the words slipped out of Abigail’s mouth. Both the girls burst into laughter, but quietened down when they noticed a frown on dad’s face. “Let’s respect each other’s approaches to honour Lent!”, said Alex firmly.
Automatically all heads turned to Abigail who had been studying the cardinal virtues that week. She looked straight ahead and muttered, “I don’t know why I’ve been keeping silent when Diya gets bullied at school just because she stammers a bit. I’m going to stand up for her and be her friend even if it costs me my friendship with the whole class!”. “Legit, that’s so brave. Abi!”, Akshay cheered.
That Lent, they decided to use the Social Teaching of the Church, the Theological and Cardinal virtues along with the 10 commandments as the basis for their examination of conscience. They all experienced a sense of liberating joy and peace at the sacrament of reconciliation that Holy Week. There seemed to be a renewed sense of love, manifested by kindness and considerate behaviour in the Martin family. All of them visibly felt it.
Alex was lost in thought as he sat beside his wife that Easter morning. But he had a smile on his face as he noisily sipped his coffee. “Stop slurping, Alex, but what’s up?”, quizzed Anjali, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. Alex’s grin grew wider, “Nothing new”, he responded, “Just normal.”
For a short intro to the Theological and Cardinal virtues visit: https://youtu.be/Swsdg_bcJnI
An interesting introduction to Catholic Social Teaching you can watch with your kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SVDhKVfrm8
Chris is a Leadership Coach with around 20+ years’ experience in People Development and Global Delivery in various organizations – IBM, HCL Technologies and Citibank. He is presently Director at Lead Strategic Development Pvt. Ltd and Turning Point Consultants. His areas of interest and study are leadership, coaching psychology and theology. He is the co-author of “Good Fathers to Great Dads”, a resource book for Catholic dads based on the relational approach to fatherhood. Together with his wife Jennifer, they conduct leadership programs for corporates, colleges and religious institutions too. He can be contacted at [email protected]