Fr. Mathew Thankachen O. Praem –
It is for the first time in the history of the Catholic Church that a day has been set aside on 25th July 2021, as the ‘World Day of Grandparents and Elderly’ with a theme “I am with you always” (Mt.28,20). Henceforth, the fourth Sunday of July every year will be celebrated as a special day for elders, which comes close to the feast of Joachim and Anne, the grandparents of Jesus to remind the need of families and Church to take care of the grandparents and elderly. Indeed, it is the dire need of the hour in the context of the changing ‘consumer, individualistic and Covid culture’ to create an ‘integral family- friendly’ and’ inter-generational’ cultural network.
Needless to state that the ‘elderly and grandparents’ were highly exalted as a ‘demi-god’ whether in Sumerian, Semitic, Greek or Afro-Asian culture from Biblical perspective. Abraham (Abu-rahem) was considered the ‘Father of the Nation (Israel)’ (Gen. Ch. 17). No matter the age, the ‘last word’ on any decision rested on the ‘head of the family’. Among the tribals, ‘the senior most member ‘was the ‘ruler of the tribe’ and he was ‘respected and obeyed ‘by all the members of the clan. Even in the ‘joint family system in India’, the elders were put on a ‘high pedestal’.
The Book of Sirach Ch.3 says, “Those who honor their father atone for sins and those who respect their mother are like those who lay up treasure”. The elders were the teaching authority of the family. They handed down faith and traditions to the younger generations. “Listen, children, to a Father’s instructions and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching.” When I was a son with my father, tender, and my mother’s favorite, he taught me….”. (proverbs 4, 1-2). Thus, we find parents are not only an authoritarian figure, but also very tender and compassionate ones. God Himself was such a figure when He states, “I carried you like an eagle on its outstretched wings and protected you like a hen hovering over its’ young”. Prophet Hosea further states, “When Israel was a child, I loved him…I who taught Ephraim to walk” (Hos.11. 1-3).
No wonder, despite John and James who were the kin of Jesus, Peter, the eldest among the apostle was given the ‘key and chair’ to lead and teach. Even St. Paul gives the responsibilities of mission to the ‘elders’. The custom of ‘life-long office’ of Papacy and bishoprics may have some connection with the tradition of love and respect for the elders.
As the culture evolved from tribal, clan, monarchy to the modern state with democracy and freedom, the ‘individual became more important than the society and common good’. The 21st Century brought about globalization of economy with the so called, ‘human face’, made an attempt to overcome the ‘individualism and ‘laisses faire’ could not peep out from the cocoon. Today, the humanity being in the midst of ‘pandemic’, the elderly and grandparents are, in most cases, at the brink of the ‘culture of death’ with suicidal tendencies all over the world and India, despite being with a ‘culture of joint family’ system, has disintegrated into ‘nucleus families’ and is of no exception from the global scenario.
The Indian Scenario:
a). No medical insurance for the great majority of elderly and grandparents. They are at the mercy of a few government hospitals that are not sufficiently equipped.
- b) The financial autonomy of the elderly is very poor unless they are pension holders. In some states, the governments pay a very meagre old age pension. Hence, they are at the mercy of their children.
- c) The exploitation by children is the worst reality. Once the educated and rich, the nucleus family is not ready to look after the elderly parents. If at all, they will be at their beck and call. Many elderly spend their last days in the poor old age home lonely and forsaken by their children and as a matter of fact, the number of old age home is flourishing across India.
- Despite many ‘legal safety’ net provided by the government for ‘reiterating their legal right over protection and property’, the elderly are mentally and physically incapable to resort to legal suits.
- ‘Psychological murdering’ like paying no attention, not giving any respect, treating them worse than animals, lack of any physical and psychological communication, malnutrition, generation-gap, forcefully chasing out from home etc. that ‘create loneliness and a hell here on earth’ are some of the reality the elderly and grandparents undergo in India, besides many other old age issues related to health and hygiene.
- Lack of recreation facilities, emotional outlets and lack of socialization prevails both among the elders of urban and rural India.
- Many old people stay alone without any filial presence as the sons and daughters either are married off or work abroad.
- Even among those grandparents and elderly staying in the ‘paid old age home’, many are not happy brooding over the absence of ‘personal touch’ of their children.
- Extreme poverty and lack of rooms for accommodation in the event of their son or daughter gets married, living in the same paternal family, is yet another crisis faced by many families that are below poverty line (BPL) especially in the urban and slum areas.
- However, no one can deny there are many families in India both among the poor and rich strata of society taking care of their elderly and grandparents with utmost physical and psychological care.
Some points for mental boosting for the elderly
- Accept the ‘reality of aging’ with a ‘psychological and spiritual ‘aroma to accept in ‘Faith’ the ‘good time of the younger days’ with the ‘bad times of the old age’. This will help to overcome ‘grumbling ‘and ‘help to keep the ‘mind young’ while ‘body’ grows old. Thus, put on the ‘mind of Job”. As the Psalmist prays, “Give us the graces to “balance our affliction, when we knew misfortune”.
- Reading spiritual and other updating materials may be of great help. Let each parish or village put up a ‘common recreation club’ for the elderly.
- Common sharing of experience may alleviate their mental crisis and may balance their ‘affliction’.
- Deepen the faith by spiritual exercise like praying Rosary and Way of the Cross may further ‘strengthen the mind’ to accept old-age realities with fortitude and strength.
- Updating with the prevalent values of the time may help to adjust with the young children and grandchildren with a docile attitude.
- A ‘counselling team’ could be put up in the parish level to conduct regular visits to the elderly especially those living alone in their apartment with a ‘telephone emergency help cell’.
Need of a new mental frame work for the family.
The children and grandchildren often have ‘too much expectation of behavioral decorum’ from their grandparents and elders both at home and society in dress and manners while the grandparents, having brought them up, expects much more from their children, thus coming into clash with each other’s’ expectation. The grandparents, despite their old age, dementia and set values may find hard to adjust with the ‘supra-modern-tech- behavior’ of children and grandchildren. It is up to the young generation to build up the ‘intra-generational gap’ by understanding and empathizing with them as “they are”. The more the elders are oppressed and isolated in the family and society, the deeper will be the ‘psychological stress’ and ‘suicidal tendencies’.
Conclusion:
It is high time that the Church in India takes up the crisis of the grandparents and elderly in its ‘Family Apostolate’. I have not known any ‘scientific study carried out by the Indian Church on the magnitude of old age crisis while many commit suicide. Merely performing the ‘anointing of the sick’ is not the only ‘viaticum’, but helping to ‘create a congenial atmosphere for the Elders and Grandparents’ to ‘experience the presence of God” through their children, grandchildren and parish community is of great significance on the way to experience the ‘foretaste’ of the kingdom of God here on earth.