By Fr. Herve Morissette, C.S.C. –
In October 2015, a married couple – Louis and Zélie Martin – were canonized by Pope Francis during the Synod on the Family. These spouses were not canonized separately, but they were declared saints as a married couple. What was the secret of their holiness? We have only to read the life of Saint Teresa’s parents to realize that it is not the heroic character of their lives that strikes us. They did not leave their home to go and evangelize the world. They lived their married life like every other married couple. They had children – nine of them – they worked hard; they experienced joys and sorrows; they had friends, etc. In other words, they lived as an ordinary married couple. Then how did they become saints? They remembered that love is a gift from God.
It means that Christian life and conjugal life are not lived in two separate water-tight compartments. When husband and wife get married in the church, they can become aware that Christ comes to dwell in their home and enables them to love the way he loved us. To understand the purpose of the sacrament of marriage, there is no Gospel text which is more inspiring than that of the house built on rock, i.e. on Christ himself. Those who get married in Christ are “like the man who, when he built his house, dug and dug deep, and laid the foundations on rock” (Lk. 6: 48).
In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II wrote that the sacrament of marriage transforms the spouses’ love into a love similar to that of Christ. Hence the depth of the transformation brought about. “The spouses participate in (the event of salvation) as spouses, together, as a couple, so that the first and immediate effect of marriage is not supernatural grace itself, but the Christian conjugal bond, a typically Christian communion of two persons because it represents the mystery of Christ’s incarnation and the mystery of his covenant.” (no 13).
The alliance of two Christians who administer the sacrament of marriage to each other purifies their conjugal love. In other words, when they celebrate the sacrament, they allow it to transform their human love into sacrificial love.
The relationship that the sacrament of marriage brings about is a relationship of “submission”. Not in the sense that the world gives to that term by considering woman inferior to man and under the domination of her husband. On the contrary, if the love between husband and wife is total and true, it becomes a sacrificial love leading every partner to a mutual submission. It is in that sense that we should interpret the saying of Saint Paul: “As the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their husbands, in everything. Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church” (Eph.5: 24-25).
Such a love is demanding and is lived within our human limitations. However, husband and wife can grow in that love. Saint Paul shows them how: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor. 13: 4-7).
Even though married life gives great joy to husband and wife, it is also a life of suffering. There are unavoidable accidents in life, besides the various misunderstandings that married couples go through. To grow in love and to make the children feel welcomed, husband and wife have to make many renouncements. Sometimes, they have the misfortune of hurting each other. The sacrament of marriage is an invitation to carry the cross after Christ. “Unless a grain of wheat falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain; but if it dies, it yields a rich harvest” (Jn 12: 24).
This saying of Christ is very well illustrated by the following testimony. “My wife and I got married on the 26th of July, the feast of Saint Ann and Saint Joaquim. Like many married couples, we experienced a lot of joys but also a lot of sorrows: the sudden death of our daughter, a tragic accident for our son, a period of unemployment in my life, a breast cancer for my wife who died after five years. Before dying, she told everyone of our children: ‘I love you. I wanted you very much. Forgive me if I have ever offended you.’ It is in the sacrament of marriage that she found all the strength she needed to love unto the end. She showed us how love is stronger than death. As for me, a widower, I continue to pray. I rely on prayer and on the graces of the sacrament to face the trials of life. Jesus gives me strength. He lives in me.” (Gilroy, widower, 35 years old).
Retrouvaille and other programmes by HCFM
The Fathers of Holy Cross Family Ministries have been providing parents, couples and families invaluable guidance by organising movie therapies (this weekend), counselling, activity-based programmes, etc. They have also lined up Retrouvaille, a programme for couples with marital problems including those who are considering marriage separation and those who are already separated or divorced that want marriage help. The programme (November 10-12, 2017) will be held at Montfort College, Old Madras Road, Bengaluru. For further details, please contact 080-25580353 or +91 8277565096.