By Jacqueline Colaco –
How often we hear a person reflecting on moments or decades lost because of lack of courage to justify their inner instinct to live life as they felt inclined! While circumstances do sometimes determine otherwise warranting adjustments and compromises, certainly they need not destroy self contentment and fulfilment. Alternatives to ‘doctor’ and ‘tailor’ around reality can be sought; for where there’s a will we’ll find our way!
Often we don’t summon the guts to pursue our desires because of a compulsion to measure up to others’ expectations. Frustration surfaces when parents, teachers and peers place on us an onus to perform as they wish; often at our growth stage when we’re struggling to discover and come to terms with our unique personalities.
Pressures invade amongst pangs of confusion and anxiety. Discontent, unhappiness creeps in, even though we perceive an excellence within ourselves in self chosen fields! Convincing our mentors of our choice toward an alternate path can be arduous, ending up in rebelliousness, clashing of opinions. Deadlock enters, turning all into bitter betrayed people with an axe to grind. Dreams shatter, self images take major blows. Adolescence is so vulnerable…
On the whole this does not occur, as we’re pliable. As youngsters, our ambitions at times are impractical, as we come to realize along life’s journey, hence receptive parents who will guide, hand hold, yet not crush us at a vulnerable age, are a plus point. In marriage too, as we tread the unexplored, if we’re not accepted and respected, it tells on our health, especially the mind.
Why are there so many depressed today? So many suicides reported? Sufferers turn robotic, disinterested and finally dysfunctional. Capping this situation, at least in India, is apathy in tackling these immense problems; in fact a stigma is attached to acknowledging mental distress and seeking a remedy. Balderdash! To feel down is normal. It could be a passing mood, but if it persists, definitely requires investigation and remedial treatment like any other illness. Prevention and early detection would be ideal! Probably avoidable if we can just find the guts to assert ourselves and seek self respect and self esteem to live life true to ourselves! Cut down stress of living as per another’s norms – BE YOURSELF!
As age catches up, so do regrets regarding needless slogging to pile up an enormous nest egg, from which finally we enjoy neither the health nor the inclination to reap. Yet we cling to goodies, having given our toil to acquire. Disappointment with misjudged objectives and ideals pricks in pondering over valuable hours of family togetherness discarded in this process. Same with outreach like devoting time, talent and money to those in need – the sick, elderly, lonely and underprivileged. Measure how we utilise and act – EVEN NOW!
Ever compelled to express feelings to relatives, friends, even a stranger, yet held back? Perhaps sheer laziness, lethargy or possibly genuine hurt, anger, stubbornness, frustration prevailed. This is a universal remorse. That we’ve goofed on STAYING IN TOUCH, expressing sentiments when opportunity struck, communicating a greeting/message on a special occasion, making a call, sharing with somebody in need, conveying a gesture of understanding or peace when a misunderstanding arose. It could be merely a visit, a card or a call to that sick person or caregivers before he/she passed away, instead of showing up the funeral. ‘I MISSED THE CHANCE when it came, and that person is no more or is out of my life or I don’t know how to find him/her and it’s too late now’, is the excuse so often heard. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE, especially now with the internet to trace people – REPAIR LOST RELATIONSHIPS!
We hear, ‘I wish I’d made myself happier by being satisfied with what I had, instead of looking beyond in things I did not possess. All was right under my nose. In my doting parents, caring spouse, my lovely kids, family time, within my home, at my job and amidst colleagues, extended family, neighbours and friends’… LIFE IS A CHOICE that only WE can make pleasing and fulfilling for OURSELVES! Build on the resources at command and adjust them to the circumstances that surround!
Get a life going even at this stage, the way you want it to! Use your voice and make your choice….
Jacqueline Colaco at 68 describes herself as an ‘Armchair Minister’, a ‘People’s Person’ and a ‘Winner, not a Whiner’!
A former Bank Executive whose highly active and successful life underwent a sea change when Rheumatoid arthritis struck at age 37, she resigned when 45 and co-founded Arthritis Foundation (I). She passionately advocates for better accessibility infrastructure in India to enable mainstreaming persons with disabilities. Also promotes awareness against female foeticide/infanticide.
Owing to limited mobility and therefore largely housebound, Jacqueline’s interests range from a love of her garden to reading, music and films, TV, writing for the newspapers and other publications, interacting on social networks and visitors.
She has participated assisted by an escort in 10 marathons in her wheelchair, raising funds for disability NGOs. Also involves in a Saturday soup kitchen that feeds about a hundred hungry homeless. Enjoys her monthly outing To Catholic Club for intellectual stimulation at a book club called ‘IBrowse’.
She has retired to a Senior Citizen Home at Bengaluru to fulfill her dream of being part of community caring and sharing.
In 2010 she published her autobiography ‘Just Me, Jacqueline on My Way’ typed with a single finger!