Dr. Jeanette Pinto –
There’s nothing like a grandchild to put a smile on your face, a lump in your throat, and a warm feeling in your heart. Being a grandparent is one of the most rewarding relationships you can have. It’s the same unconditional love you feel for your children but with fewer struggles and a lot more fun. Betsy Young is a talkative lady, her five-year-old granddaughter was fascinated as she watched her grandmother remove her dentures. She quickly asked her, “Does your tongue come out too.” There was laughter and joy all around. On this ‘World Day of Grandparents and the Elderly’ (July 23), we thank God for the gift and joys of being a grandparent—it’s one of His best inventions ever!
A true source of joy for most grandparents is being able to watch their own children be wonderful parents. Being an involved grandparent means you’re always there to assist your family, and your grandchildren and know they can count on you. But the truth of the matter lies in what one grand-dad shared. He said, “One of the reasons I enjoy these precious grandchildren so much is that I can look into their faces and see their daddies. It makes me smile to see mannerisms that bring back memories of the days when my three boys were still little guys.”
As a grandparent, it’s important not to fall into the trap of hurriedly giving advice. Listen rather than speak. Parenting might be drastically different from when you last did it. Unsolicited advice is rarely welcomed, and can be seen as interfering. So, take a step back, and instead offer a listening ear. When your offspring asks; that’s your moment to speak up. Know that times have changed. What was okay even 20 years ago may not be suitable today. It is also important to know your limits. Do you really have the energy to do two full days of childcare and a sleepless night in between? If you want to say no, make sure you do. Also, follow the parents’ lead when it comes to discipline and rewards. Establish from them what is and isn’t allowed, and how discipline is dished out and be firm about it.
Grandparents are the bearers of a family’s history. They pass on family traditions and regale grandchildren about how life ‘used to be’. While children may get a little antsy listening to such tales when they are really young, they will savor them for the rest of their life. The past two years have been tough for all peoples particularly so for aging parents and grandparents. Older people are more at-risk for Covid and many have been pretty much cooped up inside their homes for a long spell of time.
Grandparents offer unconditional love to a grandchild – anyone that’s been spoiled rotten by a grandparent will know this all too well. Their love is very straight-forward, genuine and free from complexities. One often observes that grandparents offer much more unconditional love than they did when they themselves were parents. They want to remedy their failures from when they were parents. Yes, it’s nice to not be the person who has to give discipline, but being a grandparent also comes with the added benefits of experience and wisdom.
Grandparents must however remember that the world your grandchild lives in right now is complicated and it’s only going to get more so as technology advances. There are going to be things you like and dislike about today’s culture, but this is the world of your teen. Social media platforms are where today’s teen is living and interacting, so get online, and get connected. Instead of shrinking back in the corner or waiting to fade off from the scene, use your time and engage with your teen grandchildren. Teens today need your parents’ wisdom and gray hair. They need to receive your parents’ perspectives about life and all their experiences, which is something that they can only get from their grandparents.
Here are a few ways of how one can make grandparents feel special and still connected on the World Day of the Elderly. Most foster a feeling of connection and love at a time when both are very necessary. A grandchild may outgrow your lap but not your heart. Perhaps pick up the phone and have a chat with them. Treat them to lunch or cook them a meal or their favorite treat. It would be great to visit them or take them to a show or shopping and make or buy them something they may like. A good idea would be to go over and help clean their house or frame some art work you make for them, or just send them a gift card or a bunch of flowers.
Sure, there are so many special things one can do for their grandparents that would bring joy to their wonderful hearts. Do not wait for tomorrow, that day may not come, especially if your grandparents are old, sick and frail. They are easy to please, small acts of love are enough to give them joy, so seize every opportunity you get to make them happy.